[Original song above -- I lack the talent and mad skillz to do a parody recording myself]

Well I don’t know how I’ll keep my career
I got the feeling that I’m out on my rear
I’m so scared that my pension is gone
And my furniture is out on the lawn
Europe to the left of me, China to the right
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

Yes I’m stuck in the middle with you
And I’m wondering what the hell is you do
Flyin’ Air Force One all over the place
Raisin’ money for your 20-12 race
Teleprompters to the left of you,
‘Prompters to the right
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you. 

Well you started out with nothing
And you’re proud that you’re a self-made man
And your lobbyists come callin’
Slap you on the back and say ‘Please, please.’ 

Well, the US dollar’s gone in the tank
Doesn’t matter, we’ve got none at the bank
Greece is pulling Europe over the falls
And Beijing’s ’bout to hit their own walls
Europe to the left of us, China to the right
Here we are, stuck in the middle with you. 

Well you won in 20-08
And you’ve made a real mess of things since
Now the voters will come callin’
Look you in the face and say ‘Leave, please.’ 

Well, our country now is trillions in hock
It gets worse with every tick of the clock
The economy is set to collapse
And you’re mulliganing out on the grass
Europe to the left of us, China to the right
Here we are, stuck in the middle with you. 
(Yes we’re) stuck in the middle with you
Stuck in the middle with you
(Here we are) stuck in the middle with you.

(with apologies to the late, great Gerry Rafferty)

Subject: Free heroin shipping
From: “freeland temp” <XXXXXXX@uark.edu>
Date: 9 Jun 2011 08:49:27 +0600
To: “der frederic” <[my e-mail address]>

FREE HEROIN SHIPPING!

1. Heroin, in liquid and crystal form.
2. Rocket fuel and Tomohawk rockets (serious enquiries only).
4. New shipment of cocaine has arrived, buy 9 grams and get 10th for free.

Everebody welcome, but not US citizens, sorry.

ATTENTION. Clearance offer. Buy 30 grams of heroin, get 5 free.

Please contact: XXXXXX@uark.edu

PHONE 0097(0)9658980
FAX 0097(0)9635241

Afghanistan

Don’t know if it was aimed just as me or truly sent out to a long list of recipients. But it made me smile and was a welcome break from the usual spam.  ..bruce w..

Clearly, I’ve been looking at this music video all wrong:

Rebecca Black wakes somewhat too perfectly in the early scenes of her viral video, “Friday.” Her eyes open exactly as the clock beside her bed flashes seven. She wears full make-up. Rare for a teen, she isn’t tired, longs not for any receding dreams.

Her cultural debt is less to Molly Ringwald in Sixteen Candles than Evie Vicki the robot girl from Small Wonder, we realize, as in a voice controlled by Auto-Tune she enumerates the banalities of an anti-existence: “Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs, gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal… gotta get down to the bus stop.”

She offers the camera a hostage’s smile, forced, false. Her smoky eyes suggest chaos witnessed: tear gas, rock missiles and gasoline flames. They paint her as a refugee of a teen culture whose capacity for real subversion was bludgeoned away somewhere between the atrocities of Kent State and those of the 1968 Democratic Convention, the start of a creeping zombification that would see youthful dissent packaged and sold alongside Pez and Doritos.

“Look and listen deeply,” she challenges. An onanistic recursion, at once Siren and Cassandra, she heralds a new chapter in the Homeric tradition. With a slight grin, she calls out to us: “I sing of the death of the individual, the dire plight of free will and the awful barricades daily built inside the minds of all who endure what lately passes for American life. And here I shall tell you of what I have done in order to feel alive again.”

Definitely read the whole thing — it is a masterpiece. And as one commenter notes, “Of course you know that you have now ruined this subject as material for a PhD thesis in the social sciences.” Heh.

Hat tip to my good friend Mike Godwin, over on Facebook. (Yes, that Godwin.)

P.S. Of course, in all this, Rebecca Black is laughing at the rest of us. Her video is approaching 40 million views on YouTube in less than six weeks. I suspect that must be a record of some sort. We so excited!

CIA’s ‘Facebook’ Program Dramatically Cut Agency’s Costs

The Onion, as usual, nails it. Once you’ve watched it, watch it again in full-screen mode to read the headlines and factoid crawls (starting around 1:45).  ..bruce w..

Just watch. ..bruce w..

Let me show you where my tooth chipped.

Yes, Dennis Kusinich is suing the House of Representatives Cafeteria for $150,000 because he bit into an unpitted olive:

The Cleveland Democratic congressman’s lawsuit seeks $150,000 in damages from companies that operate the Longworth House Office Building’s cafeteria.

It says he bought the suspicious sandwich wrap “on or about April 17, 2008,” and eating it caused ”permanent dental and oral injuries requiring multiple surgical and dental procedures.”

“Said sandwich wrap was unwholesome and unfit for human consumption in that it was presented to contain pitted olives, yet unknown to plaintiff, contained an unpitted olive or olives which plaintiff did not reasonably expect to be in the food prepared for him, and could not visually detect prior to consumption,” the lawsuit said.

Gotta be careful about those “suspicious sandwich warps”. And I can’t understand the fuss — wouldn’t an unpitted olive be more natural and organic than a pitted one? For those of you who like to read lawsuit filings, here it is (PDF).

In more serious news, Megan McArdle — my favorite 6′+ female libertarian economist — has a perspective on last nights SOTU that didn’t occur to me but that I agree with:

While watching the speech, I tweeted that “Obama sounds remarkably similar to the CEOs I used to listen to on earnings calls: the ones with mediocre EPS and a failing business model.”  This wasn’t a crack at Obama, or Democrats; it was a reaction to the content.  And after watching the responses, the impression lingers–indeed, maybe it’s strengthened. . . .

So what do those CEOs do?  They spend a lot of time talking about their company’s proud history, even if that history only stretches back a few years. They lavish extravagant praise on their awesome, dedicated workforce.  And they deftly avoid talking about the big problems, for which they have no solutions, by talking about strategic areas for potential growth (“green jobs”), and going over a laundry list of new initiatives that do nothing to solve any of the core problems.  When they are forced to talk about the core problems–and if the company is big enough to attract analyst coverage, they will rudely draw his attention to the problematic areas on the financial statements during the Q&A–he responds in vague generalities that restate the problem as if doing so constituted a solution. . . .

Go read the whole thing.

Speaking of lots of blowing air that does no good, wind power as “green energy” is, all things considered, pretty worthless. It is inconsistent, unreliable, unprofitable, and damaging to the environment. Windmills were nice for grinding grain, but farmers and millers always kept mules, horses, and young children around for all the times the wind didn’t blow. Anyway, the Daily Bayonet has some of the latest wind power failures, including an administrative court ruling rejected Pacific Gas & Electric’s proposal to buy a wind farm for $900 million:

In December 2009, PG&E agreed to buy and operate Iberdrola’s 246 MW facility for about $900 million. It would have been the first wind farm to be owned by PG&E.

The December administrative law judge decision read in part, “We reject the application because we find that the Manzana Wind Project is not cost-competitive and poses unacceptable risks to ratepayers. We find that the proposed cost of the Manzana Wind Project is significantly higher than other resources PG&E can procure to meet its RPS program goal. Moreover, it will subject the ratepayers to unacceptable risks due to potential cost increases resulting from project under-performance, less than forecasted project life, and any delays which might occur concerning transmission upgrades and commercial online date. As a proposed utility-owned generation project, ratepayers would pay a lump sum cost rather than a performance based cost for the Manzana Wind Project. Therefore, ratepayers would be at risk if the project underperforms. In particular, if the Manzana Wind Project fails to achieve production as expected for any reason such as construction delays or curtailments as a result of a collision with a California condor, shareholders face no risks while customers could incur increased costs. In contrast, under a power purchase agreement, project owners rather than ratepayers bear the risk of project performance.

Funny what happens when actual economics of “green power” rather than noble intentions, political fads and good feelings are used to make a decision. The Daily Bayonet has additional coverage of another wind power economic fiasco up in Canada; be sure to read the whole thing.

Finally, courtesy of Sippican Cottage, comes this website that explores the wide gap between advertising creative types and real world people:

Quoth the raven: “Heh.” ..bruce w..

My eye was caught over at the Apple Movie Trailers site by an upcoming film named “2012: Time for Change“. I read the movie synopsis and was practically overcome with giggling.

“2012: Time for Change” presents an optimistic alternative to apocalyptical doom and gloom. Directed by Emmy Award nominee Joao Amorim, the film follows journalist Daniel Pinchbeck, author of the bestselling 2012: The Return of Quetzalcoatl, on a quest for a new paradigm that integrates the archaic wisdom of tribal cultures with the scientific method. As conscious agents of evolution, we can redesign post-industrial society on ecological principles to make a world that works for all. Rather than breakdown and barbarism, 2012 heralds the birth of a regenerative planetary culture where collaboration replaces competition, where exploration of psyche and spirit becomes the new cutting edge, replacing the sterile materialism that has pushed our world to the brink.

Srsly? ..bruce..

The e-mail above came in earlier today; clearly, my e-mail client (Thunderbird) didn’t think much of it.  ..bruce w..

Ever notice how those (bogus) ads that appear in Facebook or on blogs always claim that you have just won or will otherwise be given free the latest and greatest Apple products? You know, iPod, iPod Touch, MacBook, iPhone? Yep, the iPad has joined the list.

So, when was the last time you saw one of these for, say, a Microsoft Zune?

“A Microsoft what?”, most of you ask.

Exactly.  ..bruce w..