The Ugly (though good-looking) American

| December 17, 2007

Sometimes reality outshines The Onion:

Dallas, Texas – Dellia Love is a vegan, a “raw vegan” to be precise. The word “vegan”, which is taken from from the first and last syllables of the word “vegetarian” is a form of vegetarianism but differs in that vegans eat no animal by-products whatsoever. So as a vegan, Love not only refrains from eating any form of meat, but also from eating anything that comes from any living creature including milk and eggs. Furthermore as a “raw vegan” Love also does not eat any food that has been cooked above a temperature of 40 degrees Celsius. So with such a strict diet, Love decided that the perfect way to spend her summer was on a missions trip to “the middle of nowhere.”

After examining a number of different summer trips with different organizations, Love chose Mongolia for its “exotic flair.”…

“We were all starving when we arrived” said Love. “We hadn’t eaten since the plane ride. The lady and the man whose names I can’t remember, immediately started fixing us some food for dinner.”

As it turns out the simple village family dutifully started preparing a small feast for their guests. The husband, whose name is Baat, began by slaughtering a goat and roasting it over a fire. He then proceeded to walk down to a small stream and catch five fish which he cleaned and cut into small raw pieces. In the meantime Oyon, his wife, went out to their chicken coop, killed three chickens, plucked them and began cooking them as she gathered several eggs to bake bread. Amazingly, within just about 1 hour the group sat down to a feast of goat, raw fish, chicken, bread, goat tongue, congealed and seasoned pig fat, boiled horse intestine and caviar. To wash it all down Oyon produced a Mongolian treat called Kymus, fermented mare’s milk. While the other team members graciously began to eat what had been set before them, Love found herself in a bit of a dilemma.

“There wasn’t a thing on the table that I could eat” said a frustrated Love. “They kept putting food in front of me, but I kept trying to tell them that I was a vegan. I pointed to the food and said it really loudly and slowly ‘vegan, veee-gaaan’ but they didn’t seem to understand. They just kept encouraging me to eat.”…

Yep. Pronouncing an English word “really loudly and slowly” guarantees that non-English speakers will understand it. Be sure to read the whole article.

Hat tip to Rand Simberg at Transterrestrial Musings.  ..bruce w..

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Category: Environment, Food, Geopolitics, Language, Main

About the Author ()

Webster is Principal and Founder at Bruce F. Webster & Associates, as well as an Adjunct Professor of Computer Science at Brigham Young University. He works with organizations to help them with troubled or failed information technology (IT) projects. He has also worked in several dozen legal cases as a consultant and as a testifying expert, both in the United States and Japan. He can be reached at bwebster@bfwa.com, or you can follow him on Twitter as @bfwebster.

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